The Problem With Blondes

A few months ago, something unexpected happened with this blog. An article that I had written began to get a far larger number of 'hits' than is normal. There was nothing ultra-exceptional about the piece - just written in the usual excellent gripping style -, so I assumed that there must be a word or words that were being put into search engines which brought up the article in question. I could only think that mention of a slightly unusual Buddha figure was the reason: this Buddha has relatively little written about him on the internet, so the article was registering unusually high in peoples' searches.

Intrigued, I tried a small experiment. Soon afterwards, I published a piece on the subject of an experience I had with the plant psychedelic ayahuasca. Cognisant of how ayahuasca is a hot topic nowadays, I was careful to include that word in the title of the article. Sure enough, viewings were well up on what is typical, though they didn't attain the lofty heights which I surmise 'Dorje Chang' can invoke. Since then, I sadly have to report that hits have returned to a more normal level.

It occurred to me that this could all be put to my great advantage. The next time that I come up with a turgid piece on some obscure piece of parapolitical history, I shall entitle it 'Naked Girls'. The article will in this way get the mass attention it surely deserves.

Furthermore, I realised that I could produce an entire series of parapolitical blockbusters. 'Naked Blondes', followed by 'Naked Brunettes', and so on. At this point, however, a potential complication arose in my grand plan. Ask most men, and I suspect they will confirm my suspicion: 'Naked Blondes' will get more hits than 'Naked Brunettes'. It's just a perverse fact of male life. This being the likely scenario, I could do a service for the greater good. I would catalogue the results, then send them to some Equalities Commission or other, filing a complaint about the victimisation and humiliation of brunettes through the needless prejudices of men. Our own local patron saint of the victimised and downtrodden, Ms Sturgeon, will surely take it on. She is big on social justice - or should that be Social Justice?

I suggest government legislation be introduced, making it compulsory for all blondes to dye their hair to a darker colour, so as to prevent unfair discrimination on the basis of hair colour. We can have 'hair guardians'. They will be a bit like traffic wardens, roaming the streets and handing out on-the-spot fines to any woman displaying a disagreeably light shading of her hair. This will boost employment, as well as bringing in much needed government revenue, and prove that, when it comes to prejudice and discrimination, we are being serious.

Lower image: weknowyourdreams